Minister’s encounters with teens raises red flags

Dear Amy: I have a close friend who lives in another state. My friend is married to a minister, “Bret,” who is friends with another minister in another church. (I will call the second minister “Steve.”)

Steve is about 60 years old and unmarried. For at least 10 years he has hosted teenage boys in his home, sometimes as foster children and sometimes as exchange students.

With many of these boys, Steve has engaged in sexually inappropriate behavior, which my friend has described to me.

One of these children suffered a breakdown, and his parents had to fly over from Europe to retrieve him.

Now Steve is hosting a 16-year-old exchange student with whom he is having a sexual relationship. (The age of consent in this state is 16, and the relationship is apparently consensual.)

My friend was very upset about this. I told her that she needed to tell the authorities.

It has been several months now, and neither she nor her husband has done anything except talk to Steve and try to persuade him to stop.

I am tempted to call somebody myself, but (a) I was told this information in confidence and (b) I have no direct knowledge of any of this.

I don’t know if Steve’s actions are illegal, but it certainly seems that he is unfit to serve as a foster parent.

What do you suggest I do?

Worried

Dear Worried: The knowledge (or belief) that a crime is being committed absolves you of the implicit promise of keeping a confidence.

If your friends’ account of this activity is true, then their silence about this makes them complicit.

Because your friend has chosen to discuss this with you repeatedly, you should say, “I can’t stand by any longer knowing this is happening, so I’m going to notify Child Protective Services.”

As a minister, “Bret” will understand your need to act on your conscience. He should be compassionate toward you and ashamed of himself.

::

Dear Amy: I am responding to the dialogue in your column about whether a professional artist should offer his work for free to a friend.

I think he should; you never know who might see his painting and commission him for another work. The exposure is valuable.

An Artist

Dear Artist: Another reader cleverly noted that in some parts of the country, especially in January, “exposure” -- artistic or otherwise -- isn’t always a good thing.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to [email protected] or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.