‘Goodbye Lover’ Should Have Dumped Predictable Script

In spring, a studio’s fancy turns to thoughts of unreleasable movies. And how to release them.

In the case of “Goodbye Lover,” the distributors / producers decided on attaching one of those enticing requests to the usual press notes: “Warner Bros. and New Regency would appreciate your not revealing to your readers and viewers who’s doing what to whom.”

Well, yeah, it’s an old joke--but it’s still better than any line in the film: What most of the characters in “Goodbye Lover” are doing to each other, Warner Bros. and New Regency are trying to do to you.

With only three writers credited, “Goodbye Lover” is one or two short of a totally unsalvageable disaster, but they come pretty close. What’s in fact interesting about this depressed souffle a la Roland Joffe (“The Killing Fields”) is watching the de-evolution of what may have been a decent story--not a particularly original story, but a story--being demolished by a surfeit of cooks doing unspeakable things to the broth.

Exhibit A is the treatment of the luscious and aptly named Sandra Dunmore (Patricia Arquette), who watches Martha Stewart on her TV, recites along with self-empowering Tony Robbins tapes in her car, passes the collection plate at her local church and listens obsessively to “The Sound of Music.” This is like a remedial session in Set Up / Plot Twist 101: Yes, Sandra will turn out to be the nymphomaniacal-homicidal femme fatale of an elaborate insurance murder scheme. But it should be something of a shock--and might have been, if the opening scenes weren’t of Sandra having enthusiastic phone sex with party or parties unknown.

But the entirety of “Goodbye Lover” is more or less the same, a string of red herrings, flopping around on dry land. Sandra’s husband, Jake (Dermot Mulroney), is a substance-abusing problem child of a major public relations agency run by his suave brother Ben (Don Johnson), who is having a torrid affair with Sandra.

When Ben falls for another publicist, Peggy (Mary-Louise Parker), it seems to set Sandra off, which of course would be logical if the whole Ben affair wasn’t a setup between Sandra and her husband to kill him and get the insurance payoff. “Goodbye Lover” could be indicted just for what it does to Ellen DeGeneres, who as the investigating officer is given easily the worst lines in an awful script. The best way to approach “Goodbye Lover,” however, is to rent “Wild Things”--the Matt Dillon-Neve Campbell thriller that had all the sex, comedy and serpentine story line that “Goodbye Lover” aspires to and misses by a mile. To work another hoary joke into the ground and stay in the spirit of “Goodbye Lover,” there’s nothing like a smart, unpredictable, sophisticated thriller--and this is nothing like a smart, unpredictable, sophisticated thriller.

* Rating for sexuality, language and violence. Times guidelines: adult situations and content plus violence make this off-limits for younger teen audiences.

‘Goodbye Lover’

Patricia Arquette: Sandra Dunmore

Dermot Mulroney: Jake Dunmore

Ellen DeGeneres: Sgt. Rita Pompano

Mary-Louise Parker: Peggy Blaine

Don Johnson: Ben Dunmore

Ray McKinnon: Rollins

Alex Rocco: Det. Crowley

Regency Enterprises presents an Arnon Milchan/Gotham Entertainment Group/Lightmotive production. A Roland Joffe film. Directed by Roland Joffe. Screenplay by Ron Peer and Joel Cohen & Alec Sokolow. Story by Ron Peer. Produced by Alexandra Milchan, Patrick McDarrah, Joel Roodman and Chris Daniel. Executive producers Arnon Mulchan, Michael G. Nathanson. Director of photography Dante Spinotti. Production designer Stewart Starkin. Edited by William Steinkamp. Music by John Ottman. Running time: 1 hour, 44 minutes.

In general release around Southern California.