Getty Employees Use Their Noodle

Let’s start with an item that will help you limber up for the rest of the column. Beth Rose points out that the Getty Center in West L.A. has a gym for employees. Its starchy name: Spa Getty.

JOKE ABOUT THIS, GARFIELD: Venida Korda of Van Nuys saw an ad for an eerily described cat food (see accompanying) and commented: “I always thought my kitty was a bit of a cannibal.”

IF ONLY ALL SUSPECTS WERE THIS COOPERATIVE . . . : A code enforcement officer from the city of Paramount responded to a complaint of a rooster in a front yard. While the officer was interviewing the resident, the bird--evidently resigned to its fate--hopped into her car.

LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING--CAREFULLY: You’ve no doubt heard about the occasional unproven accusations that portable cellular phones can cause some nasty problems, such as brain tumors. Well, it looks like AirTouch Cellular is fighting back. The company’s latest commercial urges people to use cellular phones rather than “stinky public telephones crawling with germs.” There--that should settle the health question.

L.A. RHYME OF THE WEEK: Barbara Derry of Long Beach contributes the lyrics from “Crawling Back to You” by Tom Petty, whose pronunciation of this city recalls that of Teddy Roosevelt earlier this century:

Waiting by the side of the road

For day to break so we could go

Down into Los An-gil-ees

With dirty hands and worn-out knees.

SYMBOL OF SUMMER: What better spokes-vegetable for the beach culture than Zonker Harris of “Doonesbury.” As we mentioned a while back, the dimwitted character was immortalized on a walkway sign to a Malibu beach in 1980. The original, erected by L.A. County, was stolen years ago. But William Pollock of Pacific Palisades noticed that Malibu, since gaining cityhood, has restored the tribute (see photo).

NAME GAMES: Responding to our plea for names and occupations that rhyme, Elizabeth Steere nominates Dr. Samia Boctor of UCLA, Michael Helwig casts his vote for singer Freddy Cannon’s history teacher--Miss Abigail Beecher--from an old 1950s hit, and Ed Schlossman nominates himself--Schlossman the bossman.

SPACEY RULING: Officials of the Urantia Foundation claim that their bible embodies the ideas of space aliens whose thoughts were channeled through a Chicago psychiatrist.

But when an unauthorized computer disk of the book appeared, the foundation sued, pointing out it had copyrighted the work.

A federal court ruled that the earthly copyright was valid, reasoning that while the foundation “may have received some guidance from celestial beings” in organizing the book, “mere mortals . . . chose and formulated the specific questions asked” of the medium used by the interplanetary messengers.

And that’s the news for today.

Like we always say, you give us 2.2 minutes, we’ll give you the weird.

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A male student at the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts ran for prom queen recently and was elected. It’s happened before elsewhere but this was noteworthy because his name is Solomon Eversole. First time we ever heard of a Queen Solomon.

Steve Harvey can be beached--or rather, reached--by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.