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CAPSULES AND RANKINGS

Team: 1. Denver (7-1)

Opponent: at Oakland

Comment: Al tried trading for Elway. Would’ve expected kidnapping.

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Team: 2. San Francisco (6-2)

Opponent: at New Orleans

Comment: Dazed Steve Young says he’s voting for Bush.

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Team: 3. Green Bay (7-1)

Opponent: Detroit

Comment: Do Cheeseheads dress down for Halloween?

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Team: 4. Dallas (5-3)

Opponent: Philadelphia

Comment: Little boys wanna grow up to be like Barry.

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Team: 5. Washington (7-1)

Opponent: at Buffalo

Comment: Cooke sees team in playoffs; check his glasses.

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Team: 6. Pittsburgh (6-2)

Opponent: St. Louis

Comment: Humanitarians take note: Bettis takes on Rams.

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Team: 7. Philadelphia (6-2)

Opponent: at Dallas

Comment: Detmer 3-0 as a starter. The impossible dream?

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Team: 8. Minnesota (5-3)

Opponent: Kansas City

Comment: Vikings falling faster than Twin Cities temperatures.

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Team: 9. Houston (5-3)

Opponent: at Seattle

Comment: Arachnophobia--fear of spiders; McNairophobia--fear of unknown.

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Team: 10. Buffalo (5-3)

Opponent: Washington

Comment: Kelly revives Scott Norwood memories: wide right.

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Team: 11. Indianapolis (5-3)

Opponent: San Diego

Comment: Battered Colts ordered by doctors to play Chargers.

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Team: 12. Kansas City (5-3)

Opponent: at Minnesota

Comment: Chiefs don’t chop-block, just lose in playoffs.

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Team: 13. Carolina (5-3)

Opponent: at Atlanta

Comment: Dom versus June. Whatever happened to Tom, Dick and Harry?

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Team: 14. New England (5-3)

Opponent: Miami

Comment: First Barry, now Parcells. Things getting easier for Jimmy.

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Team: 15. Miami (4-4)

Opponent: at New England

Comment: Everglades searched for players who let Johnson down.

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Team: 16. Detroit (4-4)

Opponent: at Green Bay

Comment: Angry Scott Mitchell throws helmet. It’s intercepted.

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Team: 17. Oakland (4-4)

Opponent: Denver

Comment: Al Davis wears all black--minus crowbar--looks like Raider fan.

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Team: 18. San Diego (4-4)

Opponent: at Indianapolis

Comment: Ross apologizes for lousy play. No word from players.

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Team: 19. Baltimore (3-5)

Opponent: Cincinnati

Comment: Cleveland gets team in 1999. Baltimore still waiting.

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Team: 20. Seattle (3-5)

Opponent: Houston

Comment: Petition to play Chargers every week denied.

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Team: 21. Jacksonville (3-6)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Team hates coach ‘cause he’s mean; try working for editor.

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Team: 22. Arizona (3-5)

Opponent: at N.Y. Giants

Comment: Two words to fans who want team to move to L.A.: Bill Bidwill.

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Team: 23. N.Y. Giants (3-5)

Opponent: Arizona

Comment: A ticker-tape parade in Newark for a .500 record.

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Team: 24. Chicago (3-5)

Opponent: Tampa Bay

Comment: Bryan Cox breaks thumb, reports finger’s just fine.

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Team: 25. New Orleans (2-6)

Opponent: San Francisco

Comment: Saints’ coaching search begins--on Bourbon Street.

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Team: 26. Cincinnati (2-6)

Opponent: at Baltimore

Comment: Tonya Harding offers to resuscitate.

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Team: 27. St. Louis (2-6)

Opponent: at Pittsburgh

Comment: To Gillian on her 37th birthday--two Ram tickets.

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Team: 28. Tampa Bay (1-7)

Opponent: at Chicago

Comment: Tampa awarded Super Bowl--couldn’t expect Buccaneers to win it.

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Team: 29. NY Jets (1-8)

Opponent: Idle

Comment: Unprepared paparazzi miss shot of Kotite winning.

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Team: 30. Wyoming (8-0)

Opponent: SMU

Comment: NFL votes to add another Cowboy team, drops 0-8 Atlanta.

THE POLLS: Associated Press and USA Today/CNN--C12